I am not a fraud. Though it took some in-length conversations with friends and family to remind me of this.
As I approached my adoption shower, I felt like a fraud. It was an odd feeling as I knew since I was having an adoption shower, I most obviously would not be pregnant like most women who have showers. It was also tough because we do not have a child or even thought of a placement yet. So many other attempts at pregnancy or baby were not successful, that I think it is hard for me to believe that this time we will have a little one at the end.
Wow! I have to remind myself that this time will be different. I feel like even when I am holding our little one that I still won’t believe it is ours. Though when I shared this with a friend (who has had three biological children), she shared she has felt the same way with her children in the beginning. So an odd feeling, but one that most parents feel. In a way, it is kind of nice to feel something that other parents who have had biological children feel also. I know the feelings of loss sometimes will creep up, but as I have done and always will, I will talk about it.
Now, time for beautiful happy wonderful shower time. My cousin threw me the most incredible shower. Every detail was perfect and so much love and thought went into it. She and I have always been close and known each other much more than any others. When people asked what I knew about the shower, I would say, “Nothing. I trust Ashley. She knows me well.” And boy does she. From every detail of rice krispies in the gift bag for the guest to a board about celebrities that were adopted. She did so well and it was beyond even what I could have imagined!
I was so overcome by all the love that surrounded me and love that will be there for our little one. Let’s say a lot of tears happened. It was incredibly hard to look at the caring details of the decor let alone open the incredibly thoughtful gifts. I persisted and decided to read the handwritten notes in the cards in my own time and comfort of my home. And as of course with all long awaited events, it blew by in a blink. I am thankful for the pictures others took and continue to be incredibly thankful for my cousin (also her mom and my other cousin) taking the time and care to throw a lovely shower. I am also over the moon for the love that will be in our child’s life.